Bad days

Yesterday (Wednesday) was a great day, other than totally dying on the bike at WNR.  I was able to get in a good mtb ride and survey some of the fire that was most certainly NOT raging up at Turkey.  I went for a WNR and was killing it with the team when the rug was pulled out from under me.  There was no warning that the body was going to shut down, but it did.  People like to say "pain cave" "hurt locker" "hit the wall", I like to say that I got kicked in the balls, well that would probably feel better and not last as long.  I limped my way back into town and it was a death march.  I tried to soft-pedal and get my legs back, but nothing was getting better, just worse.

I made it to the corner store and bought a Pepsi and started the sugar caffeine delivery system.  It took several fuzzy conversations, a trip to the Blue Rose and half a beer before I felt somewhat normal.  Seriously I haven't felt this bad since bonking on my first century several years ago.  It was crazy no warning, just bam you are done, thanks for playing.

Waking up this morning the body was in poor shape.  I cooked breakfast, had about four cups of coffee and then took a little nap on the couch with the dogs.  Seriously, coffee did nothing for me.  I guess I'm going to have to start something harder than my gateway drug caffeine.  Maybe try a defibrillator????  I started moving slowly and just could not get going.  Watched some TV and tried to blog about Roubaix but just didn't have it.  I decided to register for unemployment online and half-way through the process I just wanted to stop.  I had an unsettling feeling, the realization of not having a job, of having to start over, of trying to figure out what I was going to do.  I didn't want to finish because it was admitting defeat.

I was starting to feel sorry for myself, and really believing it.  This was a bad day.  James texted me to go for a spin.  I needed to, both physically and mentally.  The body needed to spin the legs and the soul needed the freedom that only a bike can provide.  I also needed to be around someone to talk to about anything but just someone there.  No offence to my dogs, they are great company, but sometimes they are more needy than I am, and it is my time to be needy.  I know this is just the beginning and I am going to have good and bad days, I just did not expect it to feel like this.  I really didn't know what to expect, I know that there will be other things that come up and I will yet again be surprised.

Tomorrow is another day will it be good, bad or the #2 combo?  That is the beauty of this thing we call life, you never know what is going to happen.  Plan for the worst but hope for the best.  The thought of the unknown is an unsettling prospect that takes a rational person and brings the neurosis to the surface.  My safetynet is gone and with it my confidence in my ability to do the everyday.  Uncertainty is the special for today.  The positives for today: bike ride with James and the team meeting at Hideaway Pizza.  -Good pizza, beer and friends.