Puttin' the legs up

All I want to do is lay down and close my eyes for a little.  I'm so tired and sleepy, I might just fall asleep right here on the bike, maybe then the pain would just drift away with my sleep.  I can't focus on anything except sleepy tiredness and 4723. 4723 4723 4723 4723 4723 4723 4723.  Now it says 4732 4732 4732 4732, now it is 4745 4745 4745.  My brain is chanting these numbers like a beat in a club.  I'm numb all over, except for when the road points up I feel my muscles in my legs tearing, burning, breaking through my skin, through my knickers exposed to the air.  4788 4788 4788 4788.  How are my legs still moving, I'm pretty sure I told them to stop miles ago? 

How did I get to this point, laying on the bathroom floor in the fetal position praying for a swift and clean death?  Did I not eat enough?  Drink enough?  Kill me now.  I am weak.  My body thinks I am weak and it is shutting down and closing up shop.  Maybe if I just empty the contents of my stomach I can start over?  How pathetic is this?  I should know better?  Why is it every time I am hugging the toilet it is self induced?  At least my brain is not pounding against my skull trying to free itself from a chemical induced death.  So I've got that going for me.  This Pepsi is coming up, maybe not.  A little sip of recovery drink, a little more Pepsi, some more recovery drink.  This cold tile feels good, or does it?  All I can feel is the sickness in my stomach taking over my body, organ by organ like a game of Risk. 

I can feel my legs, they have a few miles in them and a few thousand feet of climbing.  Are the miles and feet of climbing in your legs or do they come out like a deposit at a bank?  You start your day with X miles and Y feet, and you just keep making withdraws until you are in the red, Overdrawn?  I don't know?  I started my day with zero, zero.  I already had a metric century and 3k' worth of climbing in or out when we met up with Marty to do another lap.  I should know better, but there is something about feeling good at the "in the moment" that reduces brain function to "sure let's go again". 

Mile 79.8 I stopped.  Not cracked, blown up, shelled.  Stopped.  Hindsight is 20/20 and I should have called it a day well before that point, but now we are 13mi from town, and 18mi from the comfort of my bathroom floor.  Matt and Marty pushed and nursed me back to the Pedestrian Bridge where we said good bye to Marty and Matt paced me back to my turn-off.  Thanks Matt -sorry about getting caught in the rain.

Between the point of failure to the point of being home is a blur of sensory overload.  13mph feels like 70mph out of control on ice skidding to your death.  Pedal strokes are involuntary one second and the next are so labored I can't tell if my crank arms are frozen or broken off?  Am I peddling backwards?  Are those my feet attached to my legs, I can see feet but they don't feel like mine.  I know these legs are not mine because there is a compatibility issue with the interface.  They are not doing what I want them to do, and they are telling me what I don't want to hear.  These are not my legs.

Long before all this happened yesterday, Matt and I were having a conversation about hurting and pain, and trying to explain how it feels to someone who has never experienced suffering.  How does one put into words the feeling one goes through emotionally and physically when you put the body into a situation such as this?  After the morbid pain and misery subsided, I was left with the hallow feeling one gets from stressing the body, and it feels....good.  Not a good like ice cream and cake good, but like I just survived good.  I like to call it the "putting the legs up".  If you have been there you know what I am talking about.  Putting the legs up on the couch or the ottoman with the satisfaction that you have inner accomplishment of physical and emotional greatness.  You just made yourself better.

We talk of having a bad day on the bike, but is there really such a thing?  I could easily say that yesterday was a horrible experience, or I could say that it was anything that I want it to be.  My attitude towards what happened forms the person that I am, that I will be.  Can you take a negative in your life and make it a positive?  My Mom always said "your worst day of skiing is better than your best day at work".  What I take away from yesterday is, one) a good story to tell, b) strength, secondly) I know the people that I have surrounded myself with -are incredible people.  Yesterday is history, and it is now just part of my foundation of who I am and what I am.

Have you met Matt?

I am always skeptical when people say "he's the nicest guy" "they are great", you know all that nice crap.  Anytime I hear the name Matt Carnal it is always followed by something flowery and sweet, like he is every one's best friend.  I have always been 6 degrees away from Matt, so I don't know that much about him.  I do know the dark side of Matt, the underlying layer of the onion.  That's right the part that will make you cry, not out of sadness.  Out of Pain.

This is an unofficial view of the person we call Coach, Matt, King of Strava, and other things behind his back -because you would never say it to his face for fear he will rip your legs off and beat you with them.  Actually people that call Matt "Coach" allow him to rip their legs off... willingly.  I know how crazy is that?  I have only had a peripheral friendship with Matt and for what I knew of him he is a stand-up guy.  Never have I heard anyone talk about Matt in any other light.

Most recently I started following Matt on Strava.com and he was involved in the Base Mile Blast.  This was a challenge to see how many miles one could accumulate in a set time (Jan6-31).  Matt put in 3,347mi and his last ride was cancelled due to mechanical issues.  He was only planning on riding the great state of Oklahoma from South to North.  No big deal, Right?  Even without putting in miles that he wanted on the last day, Matt had a lead of 981mi.  Not bad.  Oh, yeah I forgot to mention that Matt is gearing up/training for RAAM.  Now we can officially add "Crazy" to the things we call Matt.

Matt's dark side, let's get to the juicy tabloid stuff...  Matt has been coming by the shop and getting some work done on bikes and what not.  He has invited me to ride, so I decided to meet up with him yesterday for a little ride, I would turn around and he would continue.  I rode to the meeting point and Chad showed up to ride with us.  Chad and I chatted and then Matt showed.  We headed out in the light rain/heavy mist on the trail and then made a slight detour to head West.  In conversation something was mentioned about my wanting to climb 29,000' in a month.  Matt said he would like to do that in a weekend, and he could, and probably will.

The lights started to go dim around mile 62, I'm pretty sure Matt was just getting warmed up.  He rode 100+ the day before, I commuted 10mi.  I did my best "keep calm...", and then I was shelled, literally and figuratively.   Matt and Chad slowed to allow me to catch, and I told them to leave me, "I'm a big boy, I know my way home, don't want to slow you down."  Matt would have nothing of it.  Here is the guy that has been ripping my legs off and turning me inside out for the last 2-3hrs and now he is playing the nice guy routine.  This is the genuine Matt.  This is what makes him such a great coach, he knows how to motivate you all bad guy style and then when you need it most he can be there for you.  Not a crutch, but a gentle push. 

Riding bikes has allowed me to meet all kinds, types of people.  The bike is the vehicle that brings people together.  If you have not met Matt, you should.  He is as exactly as billed.  Don't be fooled by the names people call him.  Beast, Machine, Evil, Crazy, these are how he rides the bike -not who he is. 

Follow Matt on Strava.com
Follow Matt on Twitter

I hope to do a follow up actual interview, a first for sprintingthebelllap

Goalllllllllllllll!

I'm not exactly sure what I am going to do with myself, I know there is a few of you out there that would love to comment on that.  Feel free, there is a tab for that at the end of this post.  Any who, working at the shop is going to take a chunk out of my racing, I knew this going in.  Keep reading, I'm not whining.  Promise.  I'm in a state of cycling limbo, I want to be out racing with my team, but I wont be, so... do I need to train?  I am not currently training, I am just riding.  I feel great, and I am having a blast riding my bikes.  Isn't that what it is all about?

I guess my problem is that my mates are out there training and racing and they are gonna ride circles around me.  I mean I have a rep to maintain.  Pride, what a double edged sword.  It's hard to wrap my head around.  This is one of those times when you have to "check yourself".  What am I doing this to gain, why do I do this, what am I trying to prove?  The soul searching questions like, which came first the chicken or the egg?  For me all the answers are on the bike, or found while on the bike.

Goals.  Two years ago I did what "they" tell you to do and I wrote my goals down.  I didn't meet one of them.  Last year, I had no goals other than race a lot, and help my teammates in races.  Check and check.  This year is a mixed bag.  If I were forced at gunpoint to write something down it would look like this...

• Ride my bikes
• Use the bike for commuting as much as possible (3mi rule)
• Be a bike advocate
• Ride with anyone regardless their ability
• Have fun

How's that for a list that I hope to attain?  I do have selfish goals, and I thank God for Strava.  I do have the goal of climbing Everest in a month.  29,029' in 30days, after that maybe we will go for more.  I'm not big into distance, because that takes forever and would limit my MTB riding.  I should look into a time goal?  Don't get me wrong, I love to ride bikes, but sometimes you have to have a crowbar to get me off the couch.  I'm thinking about becoming "that guy" that goes out and poaches Strava KOM's.  Still thinking about that one, hey a Man has to have a hobby.  Right?  Well for now it will just be the Everest goal, don't think I can make it this month (short on days FEB).  I'm thinking March will be a good month to climb Everest.



Accepting ideas and sponsorships

I want to...

I've been to the well, and the well has gone dry.

Sometimes I just don't have anything to say, or feel like what I do have is not worth the effort.  With that being said, I am putting the caffeine levels at max, chaining myself to the chair and putting letters on a glowing screen in no particular order.  If they happen to form words and sentences and a paragraph or two then I will have a small success.  Like clearing the first level of Mario Bros.  Yeah, kinda like that.

It's not that I don't have the time.  Between loads of laundry, vacuuming, dishes, cooking, brewing, riding bikes, and working at the shop, I really do have time.  I do.  I don't know what has been my problem? Desire? ADHD? Not drinking enough?  Maybe I have too much to write about and it had clogged the well and nothing is going to come out?  Is that even possible?  With all the bike riding I have been doing, I have written hundreds of things in my head, if I could only get it in a readable format for you.  My reader.  All three of you, and Mike.

With my new phase of life working at the shop it has put a question mark on my super fabulous career as a Cat IV bike racer.  I am OK with this.  I want to race bikes, but I don't need to race bikes.  Going into this race season I have put all training on hold, an indefinite hold because I don't know when, where, or how I will be racing.  I have done zero intervals, I have looked at my HR but only out of curiosity, and watts are just numbers on a screen.  I have 0 trainer miles.  My fitness is a giant ?. 

I am riding bikes to ride bikes.  I, for the past several years have tried to have some sort of "training" program that I follow or don't follow.  This has gotten me some fitness and has kept me entertained looking at power files, charts, graphs, zodiac signs, and fortune cookies.  All of this has gotten me to the same place every time.  This realization is............ I love to ride my bike.  I love to ride whether it involves power/HR constraints or if it is just to run an errand.  It is a bike.  Bikes are cool.  They are hella fun to ride.

Don't get me wrong, I still ride strapped up to my HR and the PT wheel is on the road bike.  On the MTB I only look at distance, elevation, and time.  For some strange reason I do wear my HR on the Cross bike.  It's not that I don't like numbers, I do.  I like to look at accumulated time, distance, and my favorite is elevation.  I like to get high.  I don't necessarily like to climb, but I like what climbing does for me.  You got to get up to get down.  This is so true on the MTB...earn your turns.  On the road I love a good climb if it is rewarded with a screaming down hill and an ear to ear grin.

Riding a bike for the sake of just riding a bike has given me a new love for the bike.  I don't "have" to ride my bike, I now want to ride my bike.  My goals are no longer convoluted, my goal is simple. 

Ride

Let's Ride

Dark is not the opposite of Light, it is the absence of Light.

  -Beastie Boys

Last night was the longest night of the year, or more importantly the shortest day of the year.  This is what we call the Start of Winter.  Which seems kinda crazy considering the temps outside have been Winter-like for some time now.  Welcome Winter, have a beer, but please keep your feet of the couch, and try not to overstay your welcome.  For me and my like minded outdoorsie people, this is a turning point with our battle that we wage with darkness.  From this day forward the Sun will begin to creep more toward the North and provide us with more daylight.  I just heard a slight cheer.  I give it a Heck Yeah!

I've been fighting the good fight -with lights, and with unemployment I have been taking advantage of the daylight hours.  I don't feel safe enough on the road to ride at night, but hitting up the Riverparks trail and Turkey instead.  Turkey at night is an interesting experience, especially if you are rolling alone.  Enough.  Buy a light and go use it, it is well worth the money.  That is unless you like bolting your bike into a mid-evil torture device, pain and suffering intervals, and cleaning up puddles of sweat.  Then by all means.  "I'm suffering for my art"  Something like that.

Not to brag, Ok maybe just a little, but I have been able to get some good rides in lately.  Outside.  The Good Dr. and I went for a little Riverparks spin on Tuesday.  One word...Under-dressed.  Not really, but I did not take gloves.  I was thinking that 50* is warm enough for naked digits.  It is well above the temps for frost bite, but I lost feeling in my hands and it made the bars feel like I was flexing them.  I could not figure what was under my finger, it was my other finger.  It was a little strange, next ride... Gloves... check.  There is a point here, no it is not wear your gloves. 

Sharing a ride with someone who, like yourself loves to be on a bike, will make any ride better.  No matter the condition.  Shared experience is best served with good company.  Speaking of good company, I rode with a teammate yesterday.  We will call him Seth (any resemblance to live or dead persons is a mere coincidence).  "Seth" and I met up on Riverparks and headed South.  Beautiful weather, slight wind with a little bit of a chill.  I have not been on the bike more than 90-100mins in the past two months.  Yesterday was a full three hours.  I don't know how I managed to be in the saddle that long?  I would have cracked at about 90mins in, except. Except the fact that I had good company to share my ride, this transcends the time-space continuum and enters the unexplained "fun zone".  Don't question it, it is real and if you have not experienced it you need to find someone like the Good Dr, or a "Seth" to share your ride with.

Sweat equity

Looking at all the posts in this here sea of social media and it is awash in talk about training, off-season, coaches, and trainers.  I think I am suffering from burn-out.  Burn-out from training.  I have no desire to clamp my perfectly capable bike into a stationary position, or pull the rollers out of the closet.  My power to weight ratio, my heart rate data, miles, or time have all become arbitrary.  Well time matters, I just want more of it, not necessarily attach a quantity to it.  I am more interested in quality time with the bike.  I could care less about my fitness right now, I just want to ride bikes.  I'm trained out, my desire is in the crapper.  I want to go mtb out West.  I want to race CX, don't care how I do, I just enjoy the process.  The team, friends, family and then cursing the pain of riding crosseyed for 40+mins.  The first sip of beer after killing yourself is indescribable.  I rode 30 miles this afternoon and yes that is not far at all, and you know...I don't care.  I had a great time just being on the bike, the road bike.  First time in a long time on the road and I must say I enjoyed myself.

I have self-diagnosed myself with ADHD, which means any amount of time on a trainer is well, torture.  I cannot fathom how you people can spend hours on trainers, I'm done before the warm-up is over.  Turn on a movie, listen to music, smash yourself in the head with a ball-peen hammer.  Trainers are not my cup of tea, and right now especially so.  I can't imagine myself with pools of sweat, fan blowing, Fugazi blaring, and watching Fight Club all the while doing intervals.  That right there is motivation enough to go outside and gamble with freezing to death or losing a fingertip or two.  That's right I'm a little ray of sunshine.

Just took a quick look at WKO+ from last year and I had only been on the trainer 3 times by this date last season.  So it could be worse.  It can always be worse.  I am going to fight training for all I'm worth.  In the back of my mind I know I am going to get killed next season, but I'm tired and I want the bike to be my escape.  My bikes are toys not tools.  I know this, I just have to remember this.

Baby it's cold...

I wanted to title this post Holy F its cold, but in reality it is not that cold.  It is freezing, but to be in perspective it is not like the Great White North.  I was in shorts just a week and a half ago, so to be fair it is colder than what this hairless ape is accustomed.  I just need to deal.  All this being said, a conversation was had this morning about the willingness to go forth into the cold and its direct correlation to age.

The older we get the less resistant to cold.  ????  Do you have any scientific evidence other than all the shut-ins that freeze to death in the winter?  I am not sold on the resistance to cold theory, although it does have validity, I subscribe to the knowledge of cold, and age is supposed to give one more knowledge.  I call this theory the been-there-done-that theory.  I am by no means saying that I am old or young, or that I have knowledge.  I know from experience that when I was a few years younger I wore a lot less clothing in the relative cold.  Now that I am adding years to my time on this planet, I seem to be adding layers to my body when venturing out-of-doors.  I also find that I tend to do my riding indoors more and more. 

I hate cold hands and cold feet.  I have poor circulation to my extremities, therefore making my problem a problem.  The other nail in my cold activity coffin, is the fact that my hands and feet sweat -a lot.  Moisture + Cold wind = Miserable.  As I type this my fingers are little icicles, my toes and feet are sweating in my wool slippers.  This condition can be a match made in hell when out on a long ride.  Thank God for sheep and the lovely wool that they provide my feet.  Ewe Rock! 

I don't do many PSA's on my blog, because the two of you who read this probably already know what I can teach, but the best thing for cold weather activities is:  Know your limiters.  Cold hands?  Cold feet?  Cold head/face?  What limits you from getting out in the cold?  Cover your skin.  Keep your core warm -this means your chest and kidney area, especially your kidney area.  How do I do this?  Keep the wind off your skin, don't let air into your jacket, secure sleeves at the cuffs.  Collar -wear something that will not allow air/wind down your collar mainly down your back.  No gaps, no air leaks, and you will be toasty.  Do Not Overdress.  Overdress and you will sweat, you will get wet and then you will freeze to death, or pretty close to death, or you will wish you were dead.  Ok, sorry for that.  I know you don't come here for my vast knowledge of the way to ride bikes.  You come here for the witty repartee.  Oh, yeah you do.

I'm not going to talk about motivation to get out in the cold, because I know nothing about motivation.  I know all about cable TV and the couch when it is cold outside.  What I do know, is that people will do things with other people that they would normally not do alone.  Group mentality, or should we call it peer pressure is step one and then group mentality takes over?  "I'll go, if you go."  -ever been in on a conversation like that?  I don't think it is peer pressure or group mentality.  I call it the Mutual Dare.  You do it, I'll do it, we will be stupid together, and together we are stronger than our weaker counterparts.  That's right, Damn the Torpedoes let's go spit in nature's face...   Together.

TTT anyone?

Have I told you how much I hate Time Trials?  I do, I hate TT because I am not fast.  Andy and I should have a beer and talk about how much the TT sucks, how it is not for little guys like us, and on and on about the crazy bikes stupid hot helmets.  Not to mention the suits that lets everyone know what you are packin'.  What's that you say?  Light riders can TT?  No way.  Tejay Vangarderen?  Oh, well he dosen't count he's freaking out-of-this-world awesome.

Ok, so all I've got is a big ol' pile of ___.  -Excuses, excuses excuses.  I don't actively go out and do TT, I will only do them if they are local and if I don't have an excuse not to do it.  Because I hate the TT.  TT is a discipline that takes balls, and a willingness to put your body into a place that most people will never enter on their own.  The pain cave is nice compared to the depths that one must go when racing the clock.  Pain, Hurt, Dig, Effort, Exert, Destroy, Break, Deep.  I don't like to hurt, well not like that.

I have two teammates that have made the TT their drink of choice, and we recently had the chance to participate in a Team TT.  I was fortunate enough to be the third in the team of 3.  None of us have ever done a TTT so we went boldly where we had not been, we got in two practice runs this week leading up the the race today.  Not a lot of prep work, but these guys are steady wheels and a lot of fun to be with on rides.  Our first ride together went great and I had the best time riding with these guys.  Working together in rhythm like a precision machine is a feeling close to being in a breakaway trying to grow the gap.  It's fun.  Painful, but fun.

I had an absolute blast riding with my teammates on our training rides and then in the race today.  Having teammates to share the workload and to go through the pain together makes the TTT special.  We only had to have two riders finish, but we were not going to drop anyone.  We started together and we were going to finish together.  Did it hurt our result?  Doesn't matter.  What matters is that we worked together, stuck together, and finished together.  We were out there to have fun.  Thanks Robert and Jim for teaching me a lesson today. 

Finishing the way we started was more important to me than leaving a teammate on the road.  The most important thing that I hadn't counted on was the amount of fun that I had today.  Sign me up for the next one.

I dare you

Marty: How u doing??
Marty: I'm fair
Me: It's nap time, I'm tired
Marty: U riding??
Me: Struggling, you?
Marty: A little...I'm tired today, and being a baby
Me: I can't seem to get off my ass.
Marty: Let's go ride...Easy & short...Then a guiness @ blue rose
Marty: WWBD
Marty: What would boonen do
Me: What time?
Marty: 530
Marty: WNR parking lot
Me: Ok I'm in.

When I got home yesterday I had no intentions of getting on a bike, believe me I needed to.  I was being lazy, no excuses no lies to tell.  Most of the time when I "feel" tired, it is just lazy taking over and making me weak.  When I got the texts I was thinking oh, great, this is the last thing I want to do right now.  This couch feels so good, and it is going to take an act of god to get me off of it.  Well, except maybe to get a beer out of the fridge, I haven't quite trained the dogs to fetch beers yet.

Don't get me wrong, Marty is the essence of cool and is a deity in his own right, but it was the crowbar of DARE that got me off the couch.  What would Boonen do?  Yeah those are fighting words and the gauntlet was dropped.  I'm no Tom Boonen, but if Marty is going to throw around that kind of wordy firepower -I only had one thing to do.  Kit up.

If I were to pass on a Flandrian ride with no reason except for the comfort of central heating and a comfy couch, that would undoubtedly make me a waste of good air.  What the heck, misery loves company, I've been called out and now I have company.  Hat, base layer, arm warmers, wool socks, embro -plenty of embro, and I was out the door.

Twenty mins latter I rolled into an almost abandon WNR parkinglot with no other Tom's kits in sight.  Oh, there is Paul's truck, leaving?  He's been spotted and he knows it, now there are three.  Marty rolls in and then Grant -four.  Brownbear is late as usual and we wait for him to kit up.  We roll out as a five man squad, it's us versus the wind and cold.  Misery indeed loves company, and suffering with teammates builds character and forms bonds of facing a common enemy.

Marty and I left our companions at the end of the ride and went for a beer.  The Blue Rose was packed.  I ordered two, and we enjoyed one of the best post-ride beers I have had in a long time.  Good ride, Good beer, Good company.  Screw you!!! couch.

Cracked

Oh the weather outside...is horrible, and I've been forced indoors for the last couple of weeks.  I was stranded up at work and was forced to take 6 days off of the bike.  I know cry me a river.  I've been on the trainer and rollers for the last four days and have had some really good torture sessions.  I shoveled a ton of snow yesterday so I decided to take a day off from the bike (exhausted).  I have to work the evening shift to cover for an employee so I got the rare opportunity to get in a morning workout.

I got on the rollers for a nice warm-up and then switched to the trainer to do some VO2 intervals.  I made it about half-way into the third interval when the body staged a revolt.  It demanded food, or it would not continue to operate at suggested capacity.  I checked to see what I had eaten for breakfast and came up blank, well except for a couple of cups of coffee.  Boom!  Problem solved, no fuel = no work.  I cracked due to idiot syndrome.  My only comfort was that I now knew why I felt so bad on the bike.  I mean really, who knew nutrition was such a big part of performance?

I will try again tomorrow, except for this time I will have a "real" breakfast, not just coffee.  Don't get me wrong I love my coffee, but it just doesn't get the job done in the fuel department.  It is very essential but not life sustaining -now I know.

I hope this snow melts off in the next couple of weeks, first test of the season is Feb 26th.  I don't want to go into my first crit fresh off of the trainer.  I have been on the rollers, but bike handling skills are probably at an all time low.  I am a danger to myself and to others, lock me up.  No, don't lock me up -get me out on the road.

New Training

I'm pretty sure that If I learn this dance, I will win my first race this season, and probably the hearts of millions of at least three school girls in the greater Tulsa area.



Competitive Cyclist (thanks) put this video on FB, and I cherrypicked it for the blog.  Matthews did this little jig just before winning a stage of the TDU.  I figure that if it is good enough for the U23 World Champ, I know that I now have a new weapon in my arsenal.

Also, I am pretty sure that this is much better than warming up on a trainer.

Did anyone notice that he did this in his bike shoes?  Skills

What's in a Name?

Pain Cave, Hurt Locker, Swamp of Despair, Special Place, Green Zone, Happy Place

We have names for various states of mental and physical good and evil.  You say Pain Cave to someone and most likely they know what you are talking about.  My fear is that we use these "places" all too often, or there is a misuse of the moniker that we place on how we are feeling.  Overuse is a bad thing, it degrades the meaning of the expression.  Very similar to the boy who cried wolf, you can only go to the well so many times.

Come inside my pain cave, and I'll bludgeon you.

You don't have to scream, because your ears are bleeding.
That's perfectly normal when someone bludgeons you.
The bleeding part that I was just referring to.
Paaaaaaain Caaaaaaave
Paaaaaaain Caaaaaaave
Paaaaaaain Caaaaaaave
Paaaaaaain Caaaaaaave . . . (big finish!)
(Jammin!)
(Nirvana eat your heart out!)
Pretty, pretty pain cave
(Pain cave)
Pretty, pretty pain cave
(So pretty the cave we spoke of!)
Pretty, pretty pain cave in the pain cave
(If it wasn't pretty we wouldn't call it pretty!)
Come into my pretty pretty pain cave.
Come into my pretty pretty pain cave.
Come into my pretty pretty pain caaave . . .

This SNL clip was aired sometime in 1992?  Not sure the origin of "the Pain Cave", but we all know what it means.

The Pain Cave is different for everyone, we cannot all have the same cave.  I feel that some caves are nicer than others, people are always in them, or are they?  Did you really go to the Pain cave or did you just hang out in the entrance, possibly take a seat in the foyer?  My Pain Cave has a waiting room like a hospital ER, I have to spend time "waiting" to get in, and then once I actually get in, it is truly a horrible place.  One that is without description, possibly due to the fact that I block it from my memory, but once I get back I know.  I know that I have been here before, and sometimes I go and do work in the cave.  I dig it just a little deeper, make the edges rougher, darker and more painful.  It is not a pretty place, and one cannot really know the existence of the Pain Cave until fully immersed.  You might not remember exactly the time spent in the cave, but one thing is always the same.  You know that you have been there.

Theory

The trainer is a self-chosen torture device that people willingly subject themselves.  You know you do it.  Don't lie.  It is a horrible way to spend your time, especially time on a bike.  Of course you get a benefit from hurting yourself, the benefit is that you now have a larger threshold for more pain.  Boy, isn't that a barrel of monkeys?  We do something that hurts, so that we can endure more pain, so we take on more pain just to be able to hurt more?  Are you following this?  I'm writing it, and I'm a little lost.  This makes no sense at all.

I'm hurting myself so I can hurt myself more, but you know at a higher level. 

You know the point in time when you are going cross-eyed?  When the legs are about to stage a revolt, your lungs are looking for a change of address form, and the brain has checked out long ago?  Time stands still?  The fabric of time unravels and you are stuck in a warped limbo state that has no end or beginning.  This is akin to when time slows down during a crash.  You stress the body to the point where your brain feels that it is in danger and your senses become heightened.  Therefore, you are able to slow down time, perceived time that is.

This phenomenon is awesome, so awesome because now you can experience the excruciating pain in John Madden like slow motion with commentary and HD video instant replay.  How lucky is that?  Now a 3x10min Threshold interval session feels like a lifetime with your hand caught in a door.  Perceived time is a cruel and malevolent bully that will get your lunch money every time you dip a toe into the Red-zone.

Indoor Training Plan

Most of you out there in Radioland are probably like me and are under house arrest due to the snow.  I have been at work and have been busy doing work stuff, snow plow, shoveling snow, moving aircraft, and fueling aircraft.  So, I've been busy.  Now I am at home I am a prisoner of my own making, or whatever.

I've decided to do some research on the best indoor training for the Spring Racing season.  Then I decided that would be too much work and workouts are too specific to each person, therefore it was a lost cause.  My solution to the problem:  Turn the TV on to one of the million channels that has nothing on and watch it.  Make sure you have a supply of beer that will last yourself at least three days.  Get comfortable on the couch, or the bed, make sure you have plenty of pillows.  My suggestion is that you put a cooler next to wherever you have planted yourself (that way you don't have to get up to get another beer).  The only thing you have to get up for would be the bathroom, or if you are really dedicated to your training you will employee the use of adult diapers, this will save countless trips to the toilet.  Problem solved.

Make sure you have a supply of snacks all within reach (no need to get up to eat).  Frozen pizza, burritos, chili Frito pie, nachos, chips and dip.  Be sure that you will be able to take short naps, to keep the workout marathon going at least for 24hrs.  I  would also suggest having beer that is stronger than 3.2% so that you really get the BAL to a lethal level.  What does not kill you makes you stronger.  If you are really hard-core don't eat at all, just drink, this will ensure that food does not interfere with your bodies ability to absorb alcohol.  One thing about watching TV while drinking heavily, after awhile you will have TV in Stereo (seeing double at this point).

If you would like more training tips just ask in the comment section I would be happy to help out as much as possible.  I have some great tips on element training, like turning the heat up as high as it will go and wearing snowgear indoors.  You name it I can help with your problem areas of your training. Nutrition, Time, Intervals, ATP, FTP, SOB, NAPA, FUBAR.

**Everyone here at Sprinting the Belllap/Belllap Brewing do not advocate underage drinking, so for the kiddos out there please substitute Red Bull or sodas with massive amounts of caffeine, and lots and lots of sugar and candy.  Also, please drink responsibly if you are out and about, otherwise irresponsible drinking at home is highly encouraged.**