Bite the Hand

I thank my lucky stars that we have some sort of cycling coverage on TV.  I know it was not always like this and to get the latest info you had to have a VeloNews handy or call a phone number to get the latest pre-recorded race results.  So, yes we are privileged in the access that we have to races the world over.  Not to mention the world wide web.  Our savior for all things cycling.  So, here is my open letter to Versus.

Dear Versus,

I have some ideas that might help your cycling coverage.

1.  We are already watching your station, we don't need to know about the up coming PBR (pro bull riding) (I thought it was a tasty beverage) event in slow motion.  Spandex does not mix with chaps -well not in this crowd.  Your commercials alone are enough to get me to STOP watching

2.  I will most likely never drive a Cadillac or buy Michelob Ultra.  Please for the love of all things holy sell me something I can and will use.  If we are in front of the TV and watching cycling, you can reasonably assume that we are cyclists.  Beer commercials are good, and you need more of them.  I know, I know you are limited to commercials that the sponsors are buying.

3.  Paul and Phil, love 'em.  They need a third person in the booth to keep them on track.

4.  On the same lines as Paul and Phil.  They are given a quota of how many times they can mention Lance outside of the actual action.  If Lance is somewhere at the back of the peloton, we don't need a camera on him and 5 mins of commentary.  If he is at the front, bridging, attacking, etc... fell free to give him some love.  Seriously if you are in love with Lance, let him know move to Vermont and do the deed.

5.  I want a Brian Holm and Rolg Aldag show.  Mic these guys up and put 50 cameras on them.  If you haven't seen Chasing Legends you won't know what I am talking about.  These guys are awesome.

6.  Jens Voigt.  Give us Jens.  Lots and lots of Jens, mic him up and put a tracker on him so we know what he is doing at all times.

7.  How about introducing America to other cyclists other than Lance?  There are some legends out there, that many people have never heard of.  Throw us a freakin' bone.

8.  How about some coverage on the other jerseys in a Grand Tour?  Yes, we know the leaders jersey and the Sprint, but show the battles for the KOM and the Youth.

9.  Show the start of the race, interview some riders, show how the break formed.  I mean really show it, you have plenty of time, a five sec clip of two guys going off the front does not cut it.  Show feed zones, show the intermediate sprints, same thing here 5sec is not enough.  Show the peloton with the teams getting their riders in position to start the sprint.

10.  And by all means send me a bottle of wine so I can enjoy it with your cheese.

Thank you for your considerations, I am available for a position to help you with your production.  We will also need to get the rights to every ProTour race.  I have watched your programming, and it is not like you can't make the room for a little cycling.  Whacked Out Sports???? are you kidding me?  With me on board we can do much better.  Seriously MMA, PBR, NHL and Cycling on the same network?  How much are you drinking and smoking when programing?

Glenn Duh