Friday, April 15, 2011

Certain Uncertainty

What is normal?  Is is routine, is it safe?  All I know is that when you take a given and make it a variable, especially one that is no longer part of the equation it makes normal and routine no longer valid.  Throw in a big helping of anxiety and you have a recipe for turning your life into a strange unfamiliar place.  Having to tell a complete stranger why you are sitting in their office looking for a new vocation is a layer somewhat deep and a little uncomfortable.  There is that word: comfort.  Is comfort = to safe?  Tissue?

I do find myself in a peculiar station in life where I can redefine myself, I can choose to follow a dream, or I can pick up a paycheck in safetyville.  Oh, the horror.  Being unemployed is not the vacation I thought it would be with ice cream, bike rides, dancing girls, and panda bears.  Sometimes it's hard to have a good time when your heart is just not into it, or is it the brain?  Who is driving this bus?  Brain or Heart?

Seems like I am in a un-civil war between what I feel and what I think.  I know that is life, we don't know what the future holds for us, but we try and control it to get the outcome that we prefer.  I know everything is going to turn out alright, then on the other hand I question how is it going to turn out alright?  I enjoy trying to figure out the plot and subplots in movies, but in my life I want to know all the twists and turns.  I want to direct this movie, and end it with a bike ride into the sunset with some nice mountains for background, maybe a waterfall, unicorn, and rainbows.  Oh, yeah cue the dancing girls and panda bears eating ice cream.

Nurse Ratched, we have a new "guest".

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