Dear Strava,
Let me say that before I met you, I had heard about you from our friends, and I wanted to meet you. You seemed too good to be true and I had to find out for myself. Everything I had heard made me excited to get to know you. When we met it was magical. Love at first sight. You were good for me. You encouraged me to ride my bike. After a ride you would brag to everyone and you made me feel like a king. I was a King I was King of your Mountains. The sex was amazing. My friends and people I didn't know were giving me kudos. I was on top of the world. You put me on top of leaderboards with people I knew and total strangers. We were a team, I was your champion and you my cheerleader.
Then you started to withhold things from me, and wanted me to pay for "it". This should have been a red flag, but I was so into you, and you were great for me. Then you started talking about other guys and how good they were. This was rough at first but it motivated me to do better to be better for you to win for you. Then you started telling me that other guys were your King, and this truly hurt me to the core, but I found motivation out of it and worked harder. This is where it all went wrong. It's not you, I got weird, I started acting different. I would go for a nice ride and I would only think about you and what you would think and all of the other guys in your life. It made me angry it turned me into a Strav-A-hole.
My darkest days were in the saddle riding with the taste of blood in my mouth -just to prove my love to you. I had enslaved myself to your opinion of me and of the others. I no longer rode my bike for me. I had you in the back of my mind telling me that someone was better and they were your King, not me. I was crushed and I rode with a black heart, my passion was no longer pure. Rage flowed through my veins and clouded my peace and serenity. The love was gone. I became a monster, a slave, an idiot to an ideal that I could not achieve.
We had some great times, some crazy times, and I do love you, but I am not me. Not the me that I need to be. I wish I was a stronger person and could handle your lifestyle, but I am not, and I do not like the person I have become when I was with you. I have to leave you so that I can re-find myself.
With love,
Glenn-Duh
P.S. I have all your stuff in a box, just text me when you can come pick it up, and can I have my key back?
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Monday, June 9, 2014
Here is what you should think
Now that we are on the subject of opinions, let me give you yours. Seriously, media (especially marketing) is the Devil. He wants your soul, I mean money, he does it with glossy ads in mags, videos on Youtube, and "PROs" who have already sold their soul to the highest bidder (paycheck). He tells you what to think, what to buy, what to ride, and then you become part of the zombie squads with no thought given. Don't get me wrong marketing is a great means for us consumers to gain knowledge in the form of information, but one has to realize that the information that the Devil gives is always great. Nothing is ever Substandard, Partially, or Marginal. It is always Improved, the Best, Better, Newer, Faster, Lighter, Stronger, but most importantly Newer and ready for you to buy.
Sorry but that was my segue into my actual thought about innovation and technology. I am constantly arguing with co-workers and other cyclists about innovation and technology. First, no matter what side of the fence one is on, there will always be progression in the sport of Cycling. Cycling as a sport is race driven, as long as people saddle up and try to go faster than the next guy, this will happen. It is inevitable don't fight it. I am all for the technological progression of Cycling, but in the same sentence I must state that I also love the history and the beauty of the bicycle.
This is the paradox that I live. I am thrilled to see exotic materials and bikes that look like Star Trek props, but I also dig sexy lugged steel frames welded by someone my Dad's age. So where does one draw the line? How can one maintain heritage but embrace the electronic age of robots making gear selections inside my rear derailleur? Oh so torn. When Tullio Campagnolo invented the derailleur did cyclist at the time scoff his newfangled tech, or did they welcome it with open arms and applaud the ability to change gears without removing the rear wheel?
I am not a fan of electronic shifting, but it is technology, it is the future: and it is, to be honest, really cool. So, do I like it? I don't know. Do I need a 2x11? NO. Do I want a 2x11, sure. But, only if I don't have to buy a new freehub body, and well a whole new grouppo. Well, I guess for now I am stuck in the 2x10 world. Poor me. And yes, I know that 9spd is enough just as 8 was enough. We as humans will always want bigger better, faster stronger. As I type this I can't help but think about "gear heads" and how they have their classic cars. We as cyclists are no different, we may ride the fuel injected computer controlled showroom floor beauty but we lust after the fire breathing supercharged classic muscle from years past.
Sorry but that was my segue into my actual thought about innovation and technology. I am constantly arguing with co-workers and other cyclists about innovation and technology. First, no matter what side of the fence one is on, there will always be progression in the sport of Cycling. Cycling as a sport is race driven, as long as people saddle up and try to go faster than the next guy, this will happen. It is inevitable don't fight it. I am all for the technological progression of Cycling, but in the same sentence I must state that I also love the history and the beauty of the bicycle.
This is the paradox that I live. I am thrilled to see exotic materials and bikes that look like Star Trek props, but I also dig sexy lugged steel frames welded by someone my Dad's age. So where does one draw the line? How can one maintain heritage but embrace the electronic age of robots making gear selections inside my rear derailleur? Oh so torn. When Tullio Campagnolo invented the derailleur did cyclist at the time scoff his newfangled tech, or did they welcome it with open arms and applaud the ability to change gears without removing the rear wheel?
I am not a fan of electronic shifting, but it is technology, it is the future: and it is, to be honest, really cool. So, do I like it? I don't know. Do I need a 2x11? NO. Do I want a 2x11, sure. But, only if I don't have to buy a new freehub body, and well a whole new grouppo. Well, I guess for now I am stuck in the 2x10 world. Poor me. And yes, I know that 9spd is enough just as 8 was enough. We as humans will always want bigger better, faster stronger. As I type this I can't help but think about "gear heads" and how they have their classic cars. We as cyclists are no different, we may ride the fuel injected computer controlled showroom floor beauty but we lust after the fire breathing supercharged classic muscle from years past.
Ignorance and opinions are like
Crazy uncles, everybody has one, but that doesn't mean that you should always talk about him. He's crazy and he is an @s$. Seriously, Cycling is full of Crazy Uncles. Everyone has an opinion about everything. If it has a brand name, color, a size, design, materiel then someone/everyone has something to say about it. Right or Wrong, intelligent or otherwise, everyone is their own self-appointed expert and they want to tell everyone what they know. "Don't use product X, it is dumb, because I am the King of products and I deem it as such."
Can of worms each of which opens another can chock full of other worms that have their own can of worms. Wheel size, in the mountain biking world, can illicit long conversations/arguments that will end up with name calling, hair pulling, crying, and a whole lot of duchebaggery. If you are looking for a good fist fight -try it. Just make sure to stick to your guns and don't listen to anything that the other opinionated has to say, 'cause they will not be listening to what you have to say. You want to know what I think about wheel size... Yeah I bet you do. I'm all for wheels having size, I'm all for people having a choice as to which size of wheel, frame, tire, saddle, handlebar, etc... Choice is good, as long as you make it for yourself and it is an educated choice based on knowledge, not on the Crazy Uncle whispering dirty jokes into your ear. Size does matter. You have to be the Goldilocks of wheels when it comes down to "what size?" is right for you. What works for me will not always work for you, and what works for you will not always work for me. This bed is too soft.
I've got a whole musette bag full of opinions, but I also have ears, and I listen. I like to think of myself as a Student of Cycling. I don't know everything, but I am learning, as should everyone. Sometimes one should shut their mouth and open ones ears so that one can hear and possibly learn. An open mind will expand knowledge better than one that is closed. More to come... I hope.
Can of worms each of which opens another can chock full of other worms that have their own can of worms. Wheel size, in the mountain biking world, can illicit long conversations/arguments that will end up with name calling, hair pulling, crying, and a whole lot of duchebaggery. If you are looking for a good fist fight -try it. Just make sure to stick to your guns and don't listen to anything that the other opinionated has to say, 'cause they will not be listening to what you have to say. You want to know what I think about wheel size... Yeah I bet you do. I'm all for wheels having size, I'm all for people having a choice as to which size of wheel, frame, tire, saddle, handlebar, etc... Choice is good, as long as you make it for yourself and it is an educated choice based on knowledge, not on the Crazy Uncle whispering dirty jokes into your ear. Size does matter. You have to be the Goldilocks of wheels when it comes down to "what size?" is right for you. What works for me will not always work for you, and what works for you will not always work for me. This bed is too soft.
I've got a whole musette bag full of opinions, but I also have ears, and I listen. I like to think of myself as a Student of Cycling. I don't know everything, but I am learning, as should everyone. Sometimes one should shut their mouth and open ones ears so that one can hear and possibly learn. An open mind will expand knowledge better than one that is closed. More to come... I hope.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Don't call it a comeback
For those of you who know me and for those that don't, I am a huge fan of the Cyclocross. Love that stuff. It is so much fun to watch. It is fast, and the PRO Elite fields only race for 60min. Full gas. Mud. Sand. Grass. Ice and snow and rain, wind, whatever, you name it they race in it. How can you not love 'cross? This brings me to the point where I actually race 'cross, or I at least enter, pay my money and line up for a race. If you see how fast I go, I would not call it racing. More like surviving. Racing 'cross is like a dare you make with your own body. "I dare you to go as hard as you can without puking." "oh yeah, try me." Why would anyone want to do this? 'Cause it's FUN. Right? Sure.
NO, it hurts like heck. But. We do it anyway.
I have not raced all season, so I decided to race a three day race this last weekend. I am a shell of a human, after. Not being in race-shape and then racing three days in a row is incredibly intelligent. "Race yourself into shape" -add that to the long list of Cyclist Lies. This is the most painful way to gain fitness, maybe. Three days down in the books and I'm shelled, beat, cracked, broken. So, I should enter a 50 mile MTB race. Great idea.
So there is that. I'm headed to Texas to hang out with the family and destroy my body one pedalstroke at a time. To paraphrase Tyler Durden, "we are dying one second at a time" it's how you spend those seconds that matter. I should spend close to 18,000 seconds of my life dying, riding in what I consider one of the most beautiful places (Palo Duro Canyon). What are you going to do for five hours on Saturday? Maybe, just maybe I'll let you know how this goes...
NO, it hurts like heck. But. We do it anyway.
I have not raced all season, so I decided to race a three day race this last weekend. I am a shell of a human, after. Not being in race-shape and then racing three days in a row is incredibly intelligent. "Race yourself into shape" -add that to the long list of Cyclist Lies. This is the most painful way to gain fitness, maybe. Three days down in the books and I'm shelled, beat, cracked, broken. So, I should enter a 50 mile MTB race. Great idea.
So there is that. I'm headed to Texas to hang out with the family and destroy my body one pedalstroke at a time. To paraphrase Tyler Durden, "we are dying one second at a time" it's how you spend those seconds that matter. I should spend close to 18,000 seconds of my life dying, riding in what I consider one of the most beautiful places (Palo Duro Canyon). What are you going to do for five hours on Saturday? Maybe, just maybe I'll let you know how this goes...
Friday, July 26, 2013
Changing seasons not underwear
It's not even August yet, and I'm already thinking about Fall. This is like living in Utah dreaming of the snows to come when it is ninety degrees out. I'm getting that dirt frame of mind, I've been riding the CX bike a lot and threw a leg over the MTB for the first time in... forever. Just when I'm getting into the swing of things, mother nature throws a wind storm party and there are all these drunk fallen-over trees in my way. You know some of the trees on the trail are like barriers, dismount-jump-remount. Shouldering a 30lb full-suspension doesn't have the same appeal or is as nimble as it's off road cousin.
Le Tour is over and it was the most entertaining boring thing I've ever watched. It was similar to watching a movie that you know the ending to, but think that watching it this time it will change. No such luck. I was really enjoying the race until Froome put a strangle hold on yellow. Boring. Yes, he lost like a min when crosswinds shredded the field, but he took it back and more. Sagan locked up the Green with his points grabbing scheme. Don't feel he is the best sprinter, he is a Classics machine. He can get over the bigger bumps that the other pure sprinters die on, but in a heads up full gas sprint he is good, just not Cavo good. Kittel, boom! This guy is for real. Impressive wins all 4 of them. Argos, in just three years has produced a Pro ProTour team. Impressed. Quintana was a breath of fresh air, slightly greedy with the jerseys. Hey pal just take one and move on. Oh, you want the White one and the Polka dots? Greedy, should have taken the Yellow while you were at it...
Enough of le Tour for now. Utah is coming up. Get the App and watch the stages on your mobile. It will be the hardest stage race in 'merica. After that we have the Tour of Colora... I mean US Pro Tour Challenge or something like that. It's Colorado. It's in one State, call it what it is. Coors needs to step up and sponsor this thing... Wait a min, we could call it the Coors Classic. Nope, just having a flashback. Sorry. Maybe Red Zinger? Hell of the West?
The days are getting shorter, you probably have not noticed yet, but they are. This means the changing of the seasons and I know you are expecting me to say CycloCross, but not yet. We still have La Vuelta and the Fall Classics, and don't forget Worlds. Lots and lots of racing left on our plates. There is CrossVegas middle of September in Vegas and the World Champ will be there. (as will I, just not in a professional manner)
More coffee por favor, my body hurts, but I want to ride. Gonna ride down to the local Starbucks and see if I can get them to mainline me some espresso. I hate needles, maybe should drink it. Just French press it into my mouth. (that sounds dirty) Sorry trying to keep it PG-13
ps don't get all used to this
Le Tour is over and it was the most entertaining boring thing I've ever watched. It was similar to watching a movie that you know the ending to, but think that watching it this time it will change. No such luck. I was really enjoying the race until Froome put a strangle hold on yellow. Boring. Yes, he lost like a min when crosswinds shredded the field, but he took it back and more. Sagan locked up the Green with his points grabbing scheme. Don't feel he is the best sprinter, he is a Classics machine. He can get over the bigger bumps that the other pure sprinters die on, but in a heads up full gas sprint he is good, just not Cavo good. Kittel, boom! This guy is for real. Impressive wins all 4 of them. Argos, in just three years has produced a Pro ProTour team. Impressed. Quintana was a breath of fresh air, slightly greedy with the jerseys. Hey pal just take one and move on. Oh, you want the White one and the Polka dots? Greedy, should have taken the Yellow while you were at it...
Enough of le Tour for now. Utah is coming up. Get the App and watch the stages on your mobile. It will be the hardest stage race in 'merica. After that we have the Tour of Colora... I mean US Pro Tour Challenge or something like that. It's Colorado. It's in one State, call it what it is. Coors needs to step up and sponsor this thing... Wait a min, we could call it the Coors Classic. Nope, just having a flashback. Sorry. Maybe Red Zinger? Hell of the West?
The days are getting shorter, you probably have not noticed yet, but they are. This means the changing of the seasons and I know you are expecting me to say CycloCross, but not yet. We still have La Vuelta and the Fall Classics, and don't forget Worlds. Lots and lots of racing left on our plates. There is CrossVegas middle of September in Vegas and the World Champ will be there. (as will I, just not in a professional manner)
More coffee por favor, my body hurts, but I want to ride. Gonna ride down to the local Starbucks and see if I can get them to mainline me some espresso. I hate needles, maybe should drink it. Just French press it into my mouth. (that sounds dirty) Sorry trying to keep it PG-13
ps don't get all used to this
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Ice cream recovery
Totally foiled today by mother nature. Rode the MTB up to Turkey for a little single track goodness that turned foul very quickly. Somehow I forgot about the carnage that occurred just a night ago. Four hundred thousand mph winds knocked about and left several trees and debris all over the place. {Hey, what happened to the term "gust-nado"? Is it dead? I thought it was the stupidest meteorological term ever. Glad I have not heard it uttered.} This was pretty evident when I turned
0nto the Red trail and and everything sounded "crunchy". Branches and tree litter everywhere, and it's a shame because the trails are in perfect condition in spite of being laid to waste.
So it wasn't too bad climbing up to the top, the soil perfectly tacky and firm. No slipping, no sliding. Hooked up. I pointed the rig towards Bunny and let it out, after a few super nice turns I had a handful of brakes. Stopped for a tree crossing. Well, they don't really cross, they just stay there in your way. No matter how long you wait. I didn't wait long and shouldered the bike and traversed the tree with the elegance of a drunken monkey. Few more turns down and a few more trees in the same condition. So much for getting my flow on. Ride, get off, climb tree, ride, stop, turn around, ride, stop, pull out branches from rear derailleur. There's your flow.
That last branch must of bent something up pretty good, cause my drivetrain sounds like a broken hamster wheel in a grade school classroom. Minus the smell. Another lap of turns and tree hopping and it's back to the shop to put things back where they belong either all nice like or with a hammer. I can't complain, well I am just a little. Not bad for a day off, it could always be worse. At least the bread landed "butter side up", right? I got outside on the mtb and rode, it wasn't the postcard home kinda ride, but it was a ride.
I'm on the couch convalescing with some Dinosaur Jr in the background, legs up, and a pint of Ben & Jerry's Phish food. Oh, I hate it when people say "life is good" "life is good" blah blah blah, but Life is Good. And it's almost beer thirty, or is it... Pssshhhhhsssss! Yep. Ahhhhhh!
So it wasn't too bad climbing up to the top, the soil perfectly tacky and firm. No slipping, no sliding. Hooked up. I pointed the rig towards Bunny and let it out, after a few super nice turns I had a handful of brakes. Stopped for a tree crossing. Well, they don't really cross, they just stay there in your way. No matter how long you wait. I didn't wait long and shouldered the bike and traversed the tree with the elegance of a drunken monkey. Few more turns down and a few more trees in the same condition. So much for getting my flow on. Ride, get off, climb tree, ride, stop, turn around, ride, stop, pull out branches from rear derailleur. There's your flow.
That last branch must of bent something up pretty good, cause my drivetrain sounds like a broken hamster wheel in a grade school classroom. Minus the smell. Another lap of turns and tree hopping and it's back to the shop to put things back where they belong either all nice like or with a hammer. I can't complain, well I am just a little. Not bad for a day off, it could always be worse. At least the bread landed "butter side up", right? I got outside on the mtb and rode, it wasn't the postcard home kinda ride, but it was a ride.
I'm on the couch convalescing with some Dinosaur Jr in the background, legs up, and a pint of Ben & Jerry's Phish food. Oh, I hate it when people say "life is good" "life is good" blah blah blah, but Life is Good. And it's almost beer thirty, or is it... Pssshhhhhsssss! Yep. Ahhhhhh!
Sunday, June 30, 2013
le Tour fever
I should be mad at work pouring sweat over the keyboard, punching out blog after blog after blog. But. I'm not. Holy crap everyone is going crazy over le Tour, as if there has not been any racing going on since February. Yes, it is big, and if it is the only cycling racing that you know, then that is fine, but it is not the only be all end all. I am thankful for all the coverage and I love the hype. I love the fact that we can turn on a TV and have a live feed from across the pond, or type a few keys, slide some fingertips and voila... Magic. No more waiting for a racing periodical to read and relive the past.
Just a little recap of the first stage. "Your bus is too big"-French accent "Your banner is too short"-Aussie accent "The finish will be at 3km to go"-race radio "The finish will be at the Finish"-race radio Crash, Crash, Crash, Fast, Fast, Crash, Sprint, Win, Yellow, Roadrash. That was hard to watch, not saying it was not entertaining, 'cause it was. Not the crashing part -I hate that. I can feel the pavement, hear the carbon grinding, and the smell. I hate watching crashes, and if you like it, you are a sick individual. Stop being sick.
Stage two was great. Attack! Breakaway! Catch! Climb! Sprinters off the back! Counter! Attack! Gap! Catch-not so fast! With just what was it, a second? One second to spare, the solo (if you can call it that) fought to stay alive and hold off the surging peloton. Oh yeah, it looks like they have the same problem in France with stupid dog owners... Keep your dog on a leash you freaking idiots. Seriously, dogs are super cool and are generally smarter than we are, but they do dog things and we get in their way sometimes. So, for the sake of your dog's safety, keep them on a leash or in a fenced yard. [getting off soapbox and exiting stage right] I love a good hard fought stage and today was a great example of what that looks like.
I hope for more days like today to keep this 100th edition of le Tour exciting. I'm not promising anything, but hope to punish these keys a little more in the next few days. It's been awhile and my skills are pretty bad. Good night.
Just a little recap of the first stage. "Your bus is too big"-French accent "Your banner is too short"-Aussie accent "The finish will be at 3km to go"-race radio "The finish will be at the Finish"-race radio Crash, Crash, Crash, Fast, Fast, Crash, Sprint, Win, Yellow, Roadrash. That was hard to watch, not saying it was not entertaining, 'cause it was. Not the crashing part -I hate that. I can feel the pavement, hear the carbon grinding, and the smell. I hate watching crashes, and if you like it, you are a sick individual. Stop being sick.
Stage two was great. Attack! Breakaway! Catch! Climb! Sprinters off the back! Counter! Attack! Gap! Catch-not so fast! With just what was it, a second? One second to spare, the solo (if you can call it that) fought to stay alive and hold off the surging peloton. Oh yeah, it looks like they have the same problem in France with stupid dog owners... Keep your dog on a leash you freaking idiots. Seriously, dogs are super cool and are generally smarter than we are, but they do dog things and we get in their way sometimes. So, for the sake of your dog's safety, keep them on a leash or in a fenced yard. [getting off soapbox and exiting stage right] I love a good hard fought stage and today was a great example of what that looks like.
I hope for more days like today to keep this 100th edition of le Tour exciting. I'm not promising anything, but hope to punish these keys a little more in the next few days. It's been awhile and my skills are pretty bad. Good night.
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