Let's Ride

Dark is not the opposite of Light, it is the absence of Light.

  -Beastie Boys

Last night was the longest night of the year, or more importantly the shortest day of the year.  This is what we call the Start of Winter.  Which seems kinda crazy considering the temps outside have been Winter-like for some time now.  Welcome Winter, have a beer, but please keep your feet of the couch, and try not to overstay your welcome.  For me and my like minded outdoorsie people, this is a turning point with our battle that we wage with darkness.  From this day forward the Sun will begin to creep more toward the North and provide us with more daylight.  I just heard a slight cheer.  I give it a Heck Yeah!

I've been fighting the good fight -with lights, and with unemployment I have been taking advantage of the daylight hours.  I don't feel safe enough on the road to ride at night, but hitting up the Riverparks trail and Turkey instead.  Turkey at night is an interesting experience, especially if you are rolling alone.  Enough.  Buy a light and go use it, it is well worth the money.  That is unless you like bolting your bike into a mid-evil torture device, pain and suffering intervals, and cleaning up puddles of sweat.  Then by all means.  "I'm suffering for my art"  Something like that.

Not to brag, Ok maybe just a little, but I have been able to get some good rides in lately.  Outside.  The Good Dr. and I went for a little Riverparks spin on Tuesday.  One word...Under-dressed.  Not really, but I did not take gloves.  I was thinking that 50* is warm enough for naked digits.  It is well above the temps for frost bite, but I lost feeling in my hands and it made the bars feel like I was flexing them.  I could not figure what was under my finger, it was my other finger.  It was a little strange, next ride... Gloves... check.  There is a point here, no it is not wear your gloves. 

Sharing a ride with someone who, like yourself loves to be on a bike, will make any ride better.  No matter the condition.  Shared experience is best served with good company.  Speaking of good company, I rode with a teammate yesterday.  We will call him Seth (any resemblance to live or dead persons is a mere coincidence).  "Seth" and I met up on Riverparks and headed South.  Beautiful weather, slight wind with a little bit of a chill.  I have not been on the bike more than 90-100mins in the past two months.  Yesterday was a full three hours.  I don't know how I managed to be in the saddle that long?  I would have cracked at about 90mins in, except. Except the fact that I had good company to share my ride, this transcends the time-space continuum and enters the unexplained "fun zone".  Don't question it, it is real and if you have not experienced it you need to find someone like the Good Dr, or a "Seth" to share your ride with.

She was the one

Unemployment has its benefits.  I get to do chores, I have a Master To Do list and then a Daily To Do list.  I've been pretty good so far knocking out this list one-by-one, and still managing to have plenty of "me"-time.  PRO-tip: Keep the TV off.  I have been using Evernote to sync my lists from my tablet to my phone.  This is awesome for a detailed grocery list.  I know that I am using this application in the most simple form, but it works for me.  I have to clean out the garage and the attic so that we can donate to AMVETS and reduce some of life's clutter while helping a good cause.

My first mtb frame is up in the attic, I am saving it to make an art project out of it that will eventually hang on a wall.  It is the bike that kicked off this insatiable appetite for two wheeled locomotion. There are two other mtbs up there along with a circa 1990's crt TV a set of old wheels lots of used tires.  Really?  What am I going to do with used tires?  My hockey bag and sticks.  Man haven't used that in well, forever.  At one time I played and coached hockey.  I doubt that I could even hockey-stop.  One of the hardest things I have ever learned in my life.  It looks so simple, take a metal edge and slide it sideways on ice to a stop.  Simple.

I have life reminders all around, things this body used to do and do fairly well.  I have a skateboard that is collecting dust, a reminder of several chapters in my life spanning more than half.  The time I spent riding skateboards was full of pain, suffering, and the pure joy of freedom.  I have scars from 20yrs ago, but to have the feeling of dropping into a ramp and carving a nice back-side five-0 didn't come easy.  It's in there somewhere, that feeling just like the hockey-stop.  It's there but gone.

The one love that I have tried to replace with bikes is the hardest loss.  Railing a bermed stretch of perfect single-track comes close to the feeling of carving fresh pow in the Utah backcountry, but it does not compare.  It's been ten plus years.  I've been on a board since, but it was only frustrating not to be at the level once considered normal.  It is a love lost, the one that got away.  You try to stay in touch, but it is too painful, the memories.  The truth, that you will never have what you once shared.  The only proper thing to do is self-medicate and find a replacement.  I cannot begin to explain the stoke one gets from being out in nature on the edge of "this could go seriously wrong" and having it go "so right".  Cheating death or the feeling of cheating death is a pure drug, and it is readily available.

I keep increasing my numeric value that people call age, and with this my ability to do the things that I love decreases.  I have my substitute, not the one from Mrs. Parker's class in fourth grade, but rather the bike.  It is not the equal to snowboarding that I would like it to be, but it works.  It is the drink to calm the nerves, it is the shot of adrenalin at flat-line. Fall and Winter is a tough time for me, it is a time when I have a feeling that I am not in the right place doing the right thing.  I love bikes, but I will always have a first love, that high school crush that got away. 

Day Uno

Ok, I know that now I am temporarily unemployed that I need to write more.  I know this, so stop complaining about "I don't have anything to read on the toilet" "why don't you have a new post?".  I'm not saying it's going to be good, but at least I will provide you with a small distraction for your day.  You are welcome.  Not thanks necessary, just tell your friends how awesome it is to read, and they will tell their friends and then I will have four people reading this blog.  Livin' the High Life, or just drinking it.

*Not a Race Recap*
I donated some money to suffer in the cold, which turned out to not be that cold, and participated in a timed group ride.  It was good to get out and ride with friends that I have not seen in a while.  Good times, as the kids say.  I was hoping for some CX weather, which means mud and crud.  Saturday would have been nice and sloppy and a little warmer, but Sunday was almost perfect temps for a CX race.  It is amazing how fast you forget how bad it feels to run the engine in the red for 40mins.  I had my memory fade and decided to register for the 4 and the 3/4.  Needless to say that after the 4, I decided that drinking beer was a better option than "riding" another race.  20lbs gets really heavy after a few laps, and the barriers seem to grow out of the ground.

I am recovering quite nicely with my coffee and thinking of all the tasty treats that I can make for breakfast.  Waffles?  Omelette?  Oatmeal?  Cereal?  Coffee?  Already working on the coffee, dang how many cups was that?  There goes my data for my scientific research.  No grant for me.  Maybe tomorrow I will discover the "Too Much" and the precise quantity to reach said limit.  Today will just be a blind dress rehearsal. I should get a lot of cleaning done, and my list of chores will vanish.  ADHD + Caffeine makes for strange bedfellows.  Who wants to go ride bikes?

Check out the What I'm Listening To section of my blog.  I'm hitting up some 80's and 90's today.  The dogs are thrilled that I am a stay at home dad, we are going to hang out and have a good ole time.  Anyway, starting to lose my train of thought, short and sweet.  Enjoy your day, and if you are in the Greater Tulsa Area hit me up if you need someone to go ride with.  Road or MTB or CX, I'm multi-cycle.  As my sister says -Ciao for now.

Pulling the trigger

It was just a short while ago that I was forced into a life altering career move.  Seems like forever, but it really has not been that long.  April.  I guess it is a long time if you are stuck on a desert island.  Not to be confused with deserted island which might not be a bad thing.  Now desert island sounds like it might not be very fun.  Dessert island sounds like a good ole time to me, 450lbs later.  Time is as time does.  The time for me is now, at least it feels like the time is now.  Crape Diem, Right?  Seize the day?  Life is too short not to take a risk or two.  Life is wasted when dreams become regrets.  Yes, I am trying to squeeze as many cliches into this paragraph before I become nauseous.  Ok I'm done.

I have been given the opportunity to do something I have always wanted.  I have been handed the keys to a lifestyle that I was born for.  It is not without it's drawbacks, but the Pro's column outweighs the Con's.  In my opinion, yeah but what do I know?  I know what I like, and I am going to do what I like because I am a spoiled brat.  There I said it.  Life should be an adventure, and adventure is not safe, so therefor I chose to not be safe (really kids you should wear your helmets) in life.  I can't stop writing cheesy lines tonight, don't know what my problem is?  Oh well, probably should stop while I still have my two readers out there.

Anyway the whole idea was to "blog" about what is going on and what is in store for my future, and quite possibly your future if you happen to ride bikes in the Greater Tulsa area.  Is your interest peaked?  Most of you probably know what my new endeavor is going to be, but some of you may not know.  So, stay tuned to this here interweb of knowledge, follow me on twitter, and if you must hit me up on the fb.  If you have not guessed, it involves me (no kidding) and bikes (double no kidding).  How cool is that?  If you like bikes and you can tolerate me you just might get to see me in person -professionally speaking of course!

Certain Uncertainty

What is normal?  Is is routine, is it safe?  All I know is that when you take a given and make it a variable, especially one that is no longer part of the equation it makes normal and routine no longer valid.  Throw in a big helping of anxiety and you have a recipe for turning your life into a strange unfamiliar place.  Having to tell a complete stranger why you are sitting in their office looking for a new vocation is a layer somewhat deep and a little uncomfortable.  There is that word: comfort.  Is comfort = to safe?  Tissue?

I do find myself in a peculiar station in life where I can redefine myself, I can choose to follow a dream, or I can pick up a paycheck in safetyville.  Oh, the horror.  Being unemployed is not the vacation I thought it would be with ice cream, bike rides, dancing girls, and panda bears.  Sometimes it's hard to have a good time when your heart is just not into it, or is it the brain?  Who is driving this bus?  Brain or Heart?

Seems like I am in a un-civil war between what I feel and what I think.  I know that is life, we don't know what the future holds for us, but we try and control it to get the outcome that we prefer.  I know everything is going to turn out alright, then on the other hand I question how is it going to turn out alright?  I enjoy trying to figure out the plot and subplots in movies, but in my life I want to know all the twists and turns.  I want to direct this movie, and end it with a bike ride into the sunset with some nice mountains for background, maybe a waterfall, unicorn, and rainbows.  Oh, yeah cue the dancing girls and panda bears eating ice cream.

Nurse Ratched, we have a new "guest".

Bad days

Yesterday (Wednesday) was a great day, other than totally dying on the bike at WNR.  I was able to get in a good mtb ride and survey some of the fire that was most certainly NOT raging up at Turkey.  I went for a WNR and was killing it with the team when the rug was pulled out from under me.  There was no warning that the body was going to shut down, but it did.  People like to say "pain cave" "hurt locker" "hit the wall", I like to say that I got kicked in the balls, well that would probably feel better and not last as long.  I limped my way back into town and it was a death march.  I tried to soft-pedal and get my legs back, but nothing was getting better, just worse.

I made it to the corner store and bought a Pepsi and started the sugar caffeine delivery system.  It took several fuzzy conversations, a trip to the Blue Rose and half a beer before I felt somewhat normal.  Seriously I haven't felt this bad since bonking on my first century several years ago.  It was crazy no warning, just bam you are done, thanks for playing.

Waking up this morning the body was in poor shape.  I cooked breakfast, had about four cups of coffee and then took a little nap on the couch with the dogs.  Seriously, coffee did nothing for me.  I guess I'm going to have to start something harder than my gateway drug caffeine.  Maybe try a defibrillator????  I started moving slowly and just could not get going.  Watched some TV and tried to blog about Roubaix but just didn't have it.  I decided to register for unemployment online and half-way through the process I just wanted to stop.  I had an unsettling feeling, the realization of not having a job, of having to start over, of trying to figure out what I was going to do.  I didn't want to finish because it was admitting defeat.

I was starting to feel sorry for myself, and really believing it.  This was a bad day.  James texted me to go for a spin.  I needed to, both physically and mentally.  The body needed to spin the legs and the soul needed the freedom that only a bike can provide.  I also needed to be around someone to talk to about anything but just someone there.  No offence to my dogs, they are great company, but sometimes they are more needy than I am, and it is my time to be needy.  I know this is just the beginning and I am going to have good and bad days, I just did not expect it to feel like this.  I really didn't know what to expect, I know that there will be other things that come up and I will yet again be surprised.

Tomorrow is another day will it be good, bad or the #2 combo?  That is the beauty of this thing we call life, you never know what is going to happen.  Plan for the worst but hope for the best.  The thought of the unknown is an unsettling prospect that takes a rational person and brings the neurosis to the surface.  My safetynet is gone and with it my confidence in my ability to do the everyday.  Uncertainty is the special for today.  The positives for today: bike ride with James and the team meeting at Hideaway Pizza.  -Good pizza, beer and friends.

Day one

Ok, just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has inquired about my recent unemployment.  I appreciate everything, but I seriously was not looking for sympathy, although it is nice to know you guys care.  I am just trying to be completely transparent and let you know what is going on in my life, if you are interested. 

I'm in the process of getting a resume together and I am also looking into school.  The resume is a pain, I mean really, I've seen some doosies when I was the one doing the hiring, and now everything I come up with look like ones I used to brush aside.  It should read like a bank robbery note: hIre ME oR ELsE!!!! -and it would be with letters I cut out of magazines. 

So far a pretty successful day.  Had my coffee, wrote on the blog, ate some cereal for breakfast.  I did get in a mtb ride which was good, but I do kind of have this whole job thing in the back of my mind which can be irritating when on a good ride.  Made a late lunch, called Cox and negotiated a lower rate, as soon as I can find the W-2s I will work on the taxes.  Silver lining- I get to watch Scheldeprijs while waiting for the cable guy to come out.  I'm sure there will be a bike ride in there somewhere and then WNR.

Got some bathrooms to clean W-2s to find and a beer or two in the fridge that is calling my name.  The dogs love having me home so they have full run of the house.  I just might do a load of laundry, what the heck why not.  I'm thinking filets for dinner with some grilled zucchini and maybe a potato in there somewhere and green beans.  Great, now I'm hungry.

The only constant

The rumors to my demise are greatly exaggerated.  I was fired, let-go, dismissed, seeking other opportunities, terminated, sacked, canned yesterday by a company that I have worked for just this side of ten years.  I'm in a little bit of a state of shock, but this did not totally come out of the blue.  I'm still letting it sink in and see where this takes me.  I'm a little scared to try and re-enter employment at the bottom of the pile, but that is the natural selection of life.  Good thing I like lemonade.

The wife already said that this is not an opportunity to ride my bike more.  OK, but I am going to try the 3mile rule, ie.. if it is within a 3mile radius it is transportation via bike.  We will see how this goes.  I am a half-empty kind of guy so I am really trying to work on the half-full attitude.  Those of you who see on a regular basis make sure I am half-full.  And if I have a glass in my hand top me off already!!!!

Options, school?  Job in the same industry?  Peace corps?  Donate body to science?  Now if I could only do this for a living, and brew beer on the side.  One thing at a time.

Change is good for the soul, but difficult for the flesh, ...let's not see how cliche I can get.

It looks as if my days are open for a while, so if anyone needs someone to ride with let me know, just don't tell the wife that it is my third time on the bike for the day.